Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
