another moral hangover. fuck.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
