my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
