I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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