I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
