3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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