fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize