The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
