i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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