Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
