I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
