hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
