I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
