My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
