one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
