I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You have to summon your inner elephant
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
