Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
