I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
