singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
