I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
