i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
