kristin has been a bad kristin
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
