Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
