Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
