Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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