who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize