You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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