I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
