You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
