It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize