I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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