tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
