perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
