I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
