Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Be still, my beating vagina.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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