you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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