we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
