just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
