Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
