my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
