also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
