All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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