Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
