When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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