apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
