gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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