My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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