Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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