well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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