It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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