thus making me awesome and them whores
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
