my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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