I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
