Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
