just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
