found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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