Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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