remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
