Can Purell be used as lube?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
