he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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