It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
