A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
