Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
