She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
