Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
