I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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