I think I won the penis lottery.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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