She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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