Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
