Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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