I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
