We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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