So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
