You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
