She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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