Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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