i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize