she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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