Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
