can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Two words: nipple clamps
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