he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
