I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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