So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
