My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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